Handsome Little Man

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I love my boys!

My wonderful boys spoiled me for Valentine's Day.

I came home to two beautiful bouquets of flowers. Gorgeous rainbow roses from my amazing hubby and a beautiful arrangement of pink flowers called hyacinthus orientalis from the cutest little boy in the world, Brayden.

I thought they were too pretty not to share!

5 Years and counting....

Wednesday, February 3rd will be the 5 year anniversary of the day that I was diagnosed with cancer.

On that day I felt:

Frightened

Angry

Defeated

Exhausted

Shocked

Sorrowful

Depressed

Fearful

and

MORTAL

Now, 5 years later I feel:

Hopeful

Full of Love

Fortunate

Powerful

Relief

Lucky

and

STRONG

Even though there are still days where I feel the feelings at the top, I realize that they are few and far between. The feelings that are on the bottom are what I feel everyday of my life.

I have a new found respect for life and for who ultimately gave it to us, our Heavenly Father.

I also have much love and devotion to the person who gave his life for us.

Our Savior, Jesus Christ.

Without them I would not be here.

I am eternally grateful to all of my family and friend for all that they have done for me in the hardest 5 years of my life.

I love you ALL with all of my heart.

Brayden + Ice Skating = Major bruises!!!

Last weekend we took Brayden ice skating for the first time.

It was truly the funniest thing that we had ever witnessed.

In the hour and a half that we were there, we probably only went around the rink 3 times.

Brayden fell about every 3 feet, but he continued to get back up and keep trying. I think he knew that he would get hot chocolate as his reward! It was a blast none the less!!!

We may have to find a new winter Olympic sport to start training for.

Let's just say that we don't have a Scott Hamilton or Apollo Anton Ohno on our hands.

Mike showing off his MAD ice skating skills!!!

Radiation

About three weeks ago I went down to San Francisco to recieve my radiation treatment. My wonderful father accompanied me for the week. He was kind enough to take me to radiation everyday and then go play around the city. It was fun to just hang out with my dad for a week, just me and him. It had been a long time since we had done that. During our week there we were able to go to the King Tut exhibit at De Young, stroll Fisherman's Wharf (where we made our ritual trip to Hooter's - for the wings, of course), shopping and just walking around town. I even got him to watch Twilight and then go see New Moon at the theaters! We also had a blast watching one of our favorite shows, The Biggest Looser, while eating popcorn, candy and chips.

As for the radiation part, everything went as planned. I went in everyday for a session that lasted only about an hour and fifteen minutes. Much easier then my last treatment, which was two and a half hours of treatment a day! My dad took some pictures of the Cyberknife machine and the wonderful techs that took care of me. The machine actually looks like something that came out of the Star Wars movies. Cyberknife is amazing. The beam of radiation is very small and very precise. That's why they had to make me the mask to hold me in place. I'm not allowed to move at all. It's really not that bad. On the ceiling are cool blinking stars and they played any CD that I wanted to listen to. So, everyday I got to lay down for over and hour and just listen to John Mayer and Ingrid Michaelson. It was sort of relaxing in a way, but I am glad it's over with!

I just loved the name of this boat. It was a good reminder for me.

My dad outside of Bubba Gump Shrimp.

Being bolted in by my favorite techs!

Let it SNOW!

Saturday morning we woke up to a beautiful blanket of white, powdery snow! After finishing our traditional Saturday morning breakfast at Ihop, we put on our gloves and hats and played in the snow. Our amazing next door neighbors came out to play with us and we all made a huge snowman. Watching Brayden and Clarence wrestle in the freezing snow made my heart melt. They play so well together and it makes me wish every day that Brayden had a little brother. Until that day comes, Brayden has found a great friend in little Clarence. We are so grateful to have such wonderful neighbors!!!

Cancer Schmancer!!!

Well, I really don't know where to begin. I think that this is one of the hardest posts that I have ever had to make. In my short 26 years here on this earth, I have come to the realization that life never really goes how we would like it to. You can do all the planning and preparation for the life that you want to one day achieve, but in the end our plans and His plans are completely different.

In the beginning, my plans consisted of graduating from high school, going to college to become a dental hygienist and then one day go on a mission for my church. I thought that after I did all of those things that I would come home, get married, have children and live my life the way I wanted to. Well, as you all know, that didn't exactly happen. And I'm glad that they didn't. I met my amazing husband my freshman year of college and we married shortly after. Not too long after that we were blessed with an amazing son (a little sooner then we had originally planned). I'm truly grateful that my plans didn't take place and that Heavenly Father's did. I know that he know's what's best for me, even though I might not necessarily like it. I love my family so much and if things had gone any different, I wouldn't have them.

Of course there are many moments in life where we question the guy up above and ask why we have to go through the trials that we do. But I know, without a doubt, that there is purpose behind it all. Without trials how would we grow? How would we learn?

My biggest trial came about 5 years ago. I was 21, a fairly new wife and a brand new mother and I was diagnosed with Osteosarcoma. The very first question that popped into my head was, "Why me? Why my family?" I just couldn't wrap my head around the situation. When you think about cancer, you automatically associate it with death. And I did. I cried myself to sleep many nights wondering if I was going to leave my beautiful baby boy without a mother, my husband without a wife and my parents without a daughter.

For the next 2 1/2 years I went through many surgeries, chemo and radiation. It was the hardest time of my life. I had to give up a lot of things in order to get myself well. The hardest one was the care of my 2 year old little boy. I have such a wonderful family, that they all got together and helped take care of him for me. But to this day it is still hard for me to think about. I didn't get to do all of the things a new mother gets to do with her toddler. I had to sit back and watch it all happen. But I know it's what I had to do in order to get myself healthy again. I had to make sacrifices. Everyone in my family had to make sacrifices.

Now it's almost five years later. I haven't had treatment for over 2 years and I have been doing well. The cancer looked as though it wasn't doing anything, almost like it was dormant. Things were looking great. Well, I went in for scans this last October and found out that my cancer has returned. I have a spot in my spine where all of my hardware is. It's small, but it's there.

I've now got myself back into fighting mode. Meagan vs. Cancer Part II: The Battle Continues!!! I start Cyber Knife radiation on Monday. I just want to get in there and get it taken care of. I've decided that I'm going to be better about chronicling my life, my treatments, feelings and whatever else it is that I plan on doing. So, if you ever wonder what's going on with the Johnson's or me and my treatment, just check the blog. :-)

I have to say that I've learned many things along this insane path that I've taken. I have met so many wonderful people along the way. As much as these trials are horrendous, they have definitely strengthened my relationships with the ones I love. It has made me realize the important things in life and to try to let go of the all the stuff that doesn't really matter. I'm eternally grateful for such a kind and loving husband who works so hard for our little family, for an amazing son who, every time I look into his eyes, makes me realize that there is a Heaven and a God above. I'm thankful for such wonderful parents who sacrifice all they have - time, talents, energy, love and money - to make their daughter not only healthy, but happy. I'm grateful for a little sister who always makes me laugh and who truly is and always will be my best friend. I'm so blessed to have such wonderful family and friends to take care of me and help me through these difficult times. Without all of you, I wouldn't be here today. I love you all.

So, the fight continues. I will beat this. I know I can.

All my love and thanks,

Meagan

Being poked and proded

Not too happy, due to them having to stick me 3 times in order to get my IV in.

Poking and prodding again!

Trying out the new mask for radiation.

CHEESE!!!

This is how I have to lay for radiation. It lasts for about 2 hours a day, for 5 days. My great friend, Amy, made me some awesome CD's to listen to so I don't get too bored!

CT scan

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Eclipse!!!!!!!!!!

Only 7 more months! I will be counting down the days!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pumpkin Patch

Halloween Overview

Cute little Cowboys!

1st place prise for Best Costume

Yes, I did make Mike dress up as a bumble bee. What a trooper!

Matt, Jen, Jonah and Caleb

Buzz and Woody

Adorable little Caleb

CrAzY! cRaZy! CrAzY! Life has been nothing but CRAZY!!! I'm finally taking the time to sit down and post! I know we're only a few days away from Thanksgiving, but I felt it was important that I post some adorable pictures of my little Brayden from Halloween.

Because of all the "buzz" around Toy Story 3 coming out, we thought it would be great if Brayden dressed up as Woody. Let me tell you...he mad the cutest Woody out there! He even won Best Costume at his school's pumpkin festival. He was so excited! His trophy, which is a skeleton holding candy, is still on his nightstand.

Halloween this year started out with attending our ward's pumpkin festival. Seeing how Mike is our ward's new young men's president, he was in charge of creating the haunted house. I was bummed that I wasn't able to go through it. I was running the photo booth and wasn't able to step away long enough to go through it. I heard many wonderful things about it. The young men did a great job with keeping it spooky, just enough to keep children from crying!

Our next big event was Brayden's school's pumpkin festival. I'm an active participant in PTA and have offered to run the festival the last couple of years. Let me tell you - it's quite a task. And if any of you know me, you know that I am the biggest procrastinator. I think that sometimes I work better under stress. My husband loves me in SPITE of this quality!!! He was a trooper and helped me out with whatever I needed him for. My sister was my other saving grace. She helped me set up and decorate. She even stayed throughout the entire festival to serve food and help out in the kitchen. At the end of the night, we were all exhausted and grateful for it to be over.

Halloween night was fun for us also. We had been in Monterey for the weekend, but made it up in time to go trick or treating with little Jaxson. Brayden and Jaxson made the cutest cowboys ever. Halloween was great, but I'm grateful it's over!!!

SCANS!!!!!!!!

My scans are tomorrow and I'm feeling a bit nervous. But, to make it all better, we are going to spend a couple days in Monterey and in Petaluma. I can't wait to see my favorite oncologist and all of my favorite nurses! So.....S.F., here I come. I kicking cancer's a** and takin' names!!!!!!!

2nd Annual Pumpkin Carving Contest

We have now made it a tradition to have a pumpkin carving contest with my family. The rules are as follows:

1. NO, and I mean NO, tracing of stencils or copying of any kind.

2. Only allotted an hour and a half.

3. Pumpkin must be gutted and cleaned before arrival.

4. Creativity is a must!

A hillbilly and a vampire!

Brayden and Grandma Donna carving pumpkins. This is the first time in my G-Ma's life that she has ever carved a pumpkin herself!

Mike was automatically disqualified for the following reasons: 1. He used a stencil! 2. He went way over our time that was given. (Should have started earlier, Babe!!!)

The final pumpkins - 1. Meagan - Mike Wazowski 2. Jen - Skull 3. Brittney - Shish-ka"boo" 4. mom and Dad - Mr. Spider 5. G-Ma and G-Pa - Classic pumpkin 5. Peter - Basketball 6. Uncle Matt and Auntie Jen's "Winker", which was carved in under 10 minutes!!!

Judging of the pumpkins

My handsome boy with adorable Kenna

And the winner is...Meagan Johnson and Mike Wazowski!!!

Jaxson and Jonah

Our Judge for the night

Mike's cool Mummy pumpkin and my parent's Mr. Spider pumpkin

Cute little Jonah!

What a fun night we all had! Can't wait to do it again next year!!!