Friday, December 4, 2009

Cancer Schmancer!!!

Well, I really don't know where to begin. I think that this is one of the hardest posts that I have ever had to make. In my short 26 years here on this earth, I have come to the realization that life never really goes how we would like it to. You can do all the planning and preparation for the life that you want to one day achieve, but in the end our plans and His plans are completely different.
In the beginning, my plans consisted of graduating from high school, going to college to become a dental hygienist and then one day go on a mission for my church. I thought that after I did all of those things that I would come home, get married, have children and live my life the way I wanted to. Well, as you all know, that didn't exactly happen. And I'm glad that they didn't. I met my amazing husband my freshman year of college and we married shortly after. Not too long after that we were blessed with an amazing son (a little sooner then we had originally planned). I'm truly grateful that my plans didn't take place and that Heavenly Father's did. I know that he know's what's best for me, even though I might not necessarily like it. I love my family so much and if things had gone any different, I wouldn't have them.
Of course there are many moments in life where we question the guy up above and ask why we have to go through the trials that we do. But I know, without a doubt, that there is purpose behind it all. Without trials how would we grow? How would we learn?
My biggest trial came about 5 years ago. I was 21, a fairly new wife and a brand new mother and I was diagnosed with Osteosarcoma. The very first question that popped into my head was, "Why me? Why my family?" I just couldn't wrap my head around the situation. When you think about cancer, you automatically associate it with death. And I did. I cried myself to sleep many nights wondering if I was going to leave my beautiful baby boy without a mother, my husband without a wife and my parents without a daughter.
For the next 2 1/2 years I went through many surgeries, chemo and radiation. It was the hardest time of my life. I had to give up a lot of things in order to get myself well. The hardest one was the care of my 2 year old little boy. I have such a wonderful family, that they all got together and helped take care of him for me. But to this day it is still hard for me to think about. I didn't get to do all of the things a new mother gets to do with her toddler. I had to sit back and watch it all happen. But I know it's what I had to do in order to get myself healthy again. I had to make sacrifices. Everyone in my family had to make sacrifices.
Now it's almost five years later. I haven't had treatment for over 2 years and I have been doing well. The cancer looked as though it wasn't doing anything, almost like it was dormant. Things were looking great. Well, I went in for scans this last October and found out that my cancer has returned. I have a spot in my spine where all of my hardware is. It's small, but it's there.
I've now got myself back into fighting mode. Meagan vs. Cancer Part II: The Battle Continues!!! I start Cyber Knife radiation on Monday. I just want to get in there and get it taken care of. I've decided that I'm going to be better about chronicling my life, my treatments, feelings and whatever else it is that I plan on doing. So, if you ever wonder what's going on with the Johnson's or me and my treatment, just check the blog. :-)
I have to say that I've learned many things along this insane path that I've taken. I have met so many wonderful people along the way. As much as these trials are horrendous, they have definitely strengthened my relationships with the ones I love. It has made me realize the important things in life and to try to let go of the all the stuff that doesn't really matter. I'm eternally grateful for such a kind and loving husband who works so hard for our little family, for an amazing son who, every time I look into his eyes, makes me realize that there is a Heaven and a God above. I'm thankful for such wonderful parents who sacrifice all they have - time, talents, energy, love and money - to make their daughter not only healthy, but happy. I'm grateful for a little sister who always makes me laugh and who truly is and always will be my best friend. I'm so blessed to have such wonderful family and friends to take care of me and help me through these difficult times. Without all of you, I wouldn't be here today. I love you all.
So, the fight continues. I will beat this. I know I can.

All my love and thanks,

Being poked and proded
Not too happy, due to them having to stick me 3 times in order to get my IV in.
Poking and prodding again!
Trying out the new mask for radiation.

This is how I have to lay for radiation. It lasts for about 2 hours a day, for 5 days. My great friend, Amy, made me some awesome CD's to listen to so I don't get too bored!
CT scan


Mallory said...

Meg you have to be the most inspirational person I know. Cancer sucks, and you acknowledge that, but you don't let it run your life. Thanks for reminding me what and who really matter. We think of you guys often, and we'll be sure to add you to our prayers. You're so tough, I know you'll show that cancer who is boss. Love and miss you!

MaryBeth said...

A few things come to mind...

1. Effing Hell.
2. You look hot in mesh.
3. I totally dug your husband in Bulgaria and I dig him even more that he nabbed you.
4. You're the bestest.

karlamsmith said...

Way to rock it with your great attitude. We are thinking of you and saying prayers for you!

Johnsons Away said...

You are amazing!! You will beat this, and your family will be there right with you. Please call me ANY time you need or want. I miss you and love you!!

Katie said...

wow you are amazing! best of luck with all the YUCK!

The Studes said...

I'm sending you a box of hugs from me and Avi, Lance might have put one in there too... but I"m not sure =)
You are such an awesome person to hold your chin up and pretty much say "bring it on" =)

LOVE YOU you are like a sister to me!!!!!!

Alexandra said...

THANK YOU! Thank you for writing this blog, reminding everyone to enjoy the simplicities of life. Thank you for your optimism and amazing strength! You are in our prayers. If anyone can beat this, it's you!!!


Sunderman Family said...

Thank you for sharing, I know how hard it can be to make a post like this one. You are a gorgeous person inside and out, and an inspiration to us all.

Anonymous said...

Just a lil FYI, i would have hit your vein first try!! Even tho you're employeement was short with us you left a lasting impression and we are all missing you and praying for you. You are a tough cookie and you'll beat that darn schmancer once and for all!! Lots of love, i'll send hugs to ya via MaryAnn... Dani

Amber said...

Oh Meagan! You are so strong and I look up to you greatly! Just know that I think of you so often and you and your family are most definately in my prayers! Best of luck to you in your treatments! Have a Merry Christmas!

Anonymous said...

Your blog has reached England! I found it by accident browsing random pages and i couldn't help but hang around and read your story.

Not only are you gorgeous but you have the most beautiful and wonderful attitude, and i admire your faith which keeps you strong.

I'm going to keep reading about you and i just want to wish you and your family all the best for the immediate and far off future x

Anonymous said...

I just came across your blog while surfing and wanted to wish you the best of luck in the battle against cancer; part 2!


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